An Open Letter to Miley Cyrus

Dear Miley,

Hi there. I just want to start off this letter by saying that you're like so cool. Well, to millions of prepubescent little girls and boys, you are the bomb. Do people even use that phrase anymore? The bomb? Anyways. Though I think you're cute and marginally talented, I never really understood your appeal, except that Hannah Montana is an enjoyable enough of a show, and I have rocked out to your uber catchy See You Again a many times in my room.

But I digress. I don't really have a like/dislike opinion of you. I mean, I think it's awesome that you're a millionaire. I thought it was pretty impressive that your concert film managed to become #1 at the Box Office in February, beating out other major, more heavily promoted blockbusters. It's pretty cool that your dad is Billy Ray 'Achy-Breaky Heart' Cyrus, and that both he and your mom seem to care about you, giving you a weekly allowance and grounding you when you deserve it. And, you gave a shoutout to Jesus when you won big at the Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Awards last month, which is cool cause He's my homeboy too.

But for all this talk about you wanting to be a good girl and a positive role model, there sure are a lot of suggestive photos of you, taken with your friends, floating around the internetz. I for one really don't care, because that's what 15 year olds do. But if you thought those photos would be the worst criticism you'd get, you were wrong. Who could have predicted the hot hot controversy your Annie Leibovitz-shot Vanity Fair photoshoot would cause, particularly in the one photo where you appear naked, covered by a sheet (but you were dressed underneath, you swear!!). That's all fine and dandy, because they were "artistic," and hell, it's Ms. Leibovitz we're talking about. If she asked you to roll around in a pig pen covered in pig feces, you'd do it, because it's her.

What's not cool? Agreeing to take the pics because you were 'so honored and thrilled to work with Annie' and then taking it back and blaming the raciness on her and the magazine once the media got wind of it. Nuh uh, girlfriend, oh no you didn't. You did not just diss the greatest living American photographer. If you had a problem with the shot, you/your parents/your teacher/your grandmother/whoever else was at the photo shoot could've stopped it. There's none of this ' a situation was created to deliberately manipulate a 15-year-old in order to sell magazines,' which is Disney's official claim on the whole situation. Right, because Disney doesn't know a thing about manipulating 15 year olds to sell anything. It's plain and simple; you and your people were fine with the concept of the photos before the backlash. Backtracking is a bitch, Miley, and I wouldn't go there if I were you.

In all fairness, you probably didn't realize how much the media was going to blow this up, and you felt the need to do some damage control as a result. But seriously, you should know better at this point, as you yourself keep reiterating, you are a role model to millions of kids. Your very livelihood depends on those millions of kids and parents who watch your show, listen to your records, and buy all your merchandise. I want you to be a normal 15 year old kid, and take silly pictures with your friends, and go through your teenage rebellion stage. But sadly, you're not a normal 15 year old kid. You traded that in for your fame and fans, remember? Unfortunately, you can't get the best of both worlds.

This whole situation is unfortunate for you, Annie, Vanity Fair, and your fans. But you can't keep making mistakes (I know, I know, you're not perfect) and then apologizing later for it. That act gets real old, real fast. You may be the world's biggest star today, but keep doing that and you're going to be 'that girl who used to play Hannah Montana' tomorrow. Next time, just really think about what you do and say, before you do and say, ok? Millions of people are listening to and watching your every move, whether you like it or not. I know it's not fair, but that's the price you pay for getting to be the star you are.

Oh and one more thing. Don't mess with Annie, k? Thanks.