Monday, August 11, 2008

[Feature] It's Time To Go!

Brett Favre was a Green Bay Packer from 1992 to 2007. 16 years. He turned the Packers from a struggling franchise to a perennial powerhouse. He won three consecutive MVPs and a Super Bowl title with the Packers. And now he's playing for the Jets. Well done, Brett. Seeing Favre in a Jets jersey is like seeing Jordan on the Wizards. It makes me throw up a little inside. Favre has inspired me too look at other people/things that should probably take a look at the clock and think about calling it a career.

Shaquille O'Neal
From one athlete to another. Unlike Favre, who is coming off one of his best seasons, O'Neal is a shell of his former self. Shaq's points per game have dropped in each of the past three seasons and he has missed at least 21 games in each of these seasons. At a whopper...err...whopping 325 pounds, Shaq will be requiring a crane to take him from one side of the court
to the other pretty soon. We love ya big fella, but it is time.

Steven Tyler/Mick Jagger
Alright, guys. It's been fun and when you were still doing this past 50 it was cute. You're both over 60 now. It's gone from cute to creepy. Rumor has it your wrinkles cause echoes. Those vocal chords have served you both well. You both have a quadrillion dollars to retire on. Steven, maybe you should concentrate on getting better songs for Rock Band.

Pop N' Fresh (aka The Pillsbury Doughboy)
I've had enough of you, Fresh. I'm on to you. Having wives poke you in the stomach so you can get your high? Home wrecker!

The Simpsons
As much as it kills me to say this, but maybe it's time. The Simpsons is my favorite show ever. It is by far the best cartoon ever created. I haven't quoted any other show as much as I have quoted The Simpsons. Their ability to come up with 20+ seasons of material is just mind-boggling impressive. However, I'm not as enthused by it as I was in years past. The last memorable episode they made was "Trilogy of Terror" back in 2001. (Though, I'm writing now that it's time they go off the air, but I'll be protesting when they actually do).

Ladies Named Ethel
I'm not sure if babies are actually named Ethel. I somewhat think that some women just change to that name at the very minute they turn old. Nevertheless, if your name is Ethel, you should probably think about retiring and start getting into Bridge, Gin Rummy, or Mah Jong.

Both were mainstays of the Internet during their prime. But now they can barely get 50 year old single men to log on. I used AIM for a long time and still do once in a while, but it is just not the same. MySpace+Neatness+Sexiness=Facebook AIM-Crap=GChat.

The GEICO Gecko is the ad campaign version of Mick Jagger. This ad started out when people incorrectly called the annoyed gecko instead of calling GEICO. Then, suddenly, the gecko began working for GEICO. Clearly, GEICO brainwashed the gecko and forced it to speak with a British accent. Where's PETA when you need them? To boot, GEICO also runs the now tired Caveman commercials as well. Every time I see a GEICO commercial, my urge to kill rises.

Honorable Mention: America's Next Top Model, American Idol, Al Sharpton, Communism, Eye Ulcers, Montana


Howard said...

Home wrecker!

sang said...

Eye ulcer.. .. too soon