Dear Kanye,
Oh what can be said that hasn't already been said before? You need to learn to shut up. I'm actually a huge fan of your work. Your Late Registration and Graduation albums are one of my favorite albums of all time, I like reading your blog (the use of all-caps aside), and most of the time I am just amused by your 'holier than thou' attitude and antics. But, uh. Stealing the spotlight away from a 19 year old girl on what was supposed to be her shining moment? Not cool, dude. I think it's fine you think that you're the coolest thing since sliced bread and that everything you deem worthy is also the coolest thing since, you. I too have my strong opinions and I too like to express them whenever I see fit. But I think there is a difference between me telling my friends why I think Britney is the greatest entertainer (haters to the left please) or why objectively speaking, Robert Pattinson is hot sex on a stick, and me standing up in front of millions of people to assert that Beyonce made the greatest video EVER, in the middle of Taylor's freakin acceptance speech. How old are you again??
I mean, this really isn't the first time you've done this. You throw a temper tantrum everytime you don't win something you believe you should have: rushing the stage and ranting about how Touch the Sky should've won Best Video at the 2006 MTV Europe Music Awards, walking out after losing Best New Artist at the AMAs in 2004. And yeah, those things were just as terrible and as much talked about, but something about taking the spotlight away from an ecstatic Taylor, who was in the middle of thanking her fans for taking a chance on country music was.. just brutal. THANKS for making the entire audience feel super awkward, and yeah, you deserve the 0 wins and the booing you received the entire night. Oh, and I'm sure Beyonce was beyond thrilled that you pulled the most dickheaded move in defense of her name. So... no, I don't really care that you apologized to Taylor and her mom, or that you blogged about how sorry you are in all caps (BTW, THIS GETS ANNOYING REALLY FAST).
Congrats Kanye, you are the frontrunner for Douchebag of the Year. While the whole thing is unfortunate and could have been completely avoidable, I am glad it happened for 2 reasons. 1: I heart Taylor Swift and am glad more people are now on Team Taylor (and you know what Kanye? Her video is damn good and yeah, I voted for it), and 2: it gave Beyonce to be the classiest lady ever by giving back Taylor her moment to shine during her speech. I am gonna end on that note. Watch and learn, Kanye, watch and learn.
Monday, September 14, 2009
An Open Letter to Kanye West
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Open Letter to Jon & Kate Gosselin
Dear Gosselins,
I love you guys, I love your kids, I love your show. My love for your show has been well documented, and I have a ton of your episodes saved on my DVR for those rainy days. I wanted to be your nanny and steal little Leah cause she is so darn cute. But my love for you and your brood has been waning lately, and I'm sorry to say that it is your fault. I know it's not easy living in the spotlight, especially if you're not a rock star or an actor or someone who is expected to be followed around by the paparazzi. But, whether you like it or not, because your show has been a surprise and steady hit for TLC, that makes you guys public figures and media targets. Rumblings about things not being happy-go-lucky as you guys seem on the show have been around forever. But the marital strife rumors floating around the past month have just become ridiculous. And what's worse is your response to them.
You guys have ALWAYS said that you started the show because you wanted memories of your kids. It makes sense, since you have 8 of them, and it's a bit hard to take pictures and videotape them in the midst of actually taking care of them (ARE YOU LISTENING, OCTOMOM??). But you guys have always said your family is priority, and that when the show stopped being fun for you, or did harm to the kids, you'd stop. Well, what part of being on the cover of US Weekly 3 weeks in a row is fun? What part of going on national television to defend your marriage is not doing harm to your kids?? And what in God's name are you doing, Kate, by speaking to People about your marriage quite possibly ending???
Listen guys. I know it's not as simple as pulling the plug on your show. I'm sure you're contractually obligated to do more seasons and promote the hell out of the show, and blah blah. But why can't you deal with this privately instead of being on EVERY tabloid magazine in the nation? Who do you think you are, Paris Hilton?? You've said in every interview that it was a private matter, Kate, but then you go and tell People magazine details of your marriage struggles? Unfreakinbelievable. It's such a coinkydink that all of this is happening while you are on a book press tour, btw. I thought you said you wrote the books for your kids to have? Then why is traveling all over the country to promote it more important than being at home with your kids? Have you and Jon just both decided to stop thinking of your kids?
I don't even know what to think anymore. If this is some publicity stunt to drum up interest for the Season 5 premiere of your show, as some people think it is, well then that's pretty darn sad. But if your marriage is really in the crapper, like it increasingly and alarmingly looks to be, well, then I think you guys should be working something out, behind the scenes. I don't even know if I'm going to watch this season. I'm distressed about this whole thing. Your poor poor kids. They deserve better than the immaturity you both have been displaying as of late.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
An Open Letter to Britney Spears
Dear Britney,
Exactly a year ago today, I wrote you an open letter to voice my frustrations with you, my favorite pop star, after a disappointing comeback "performance" at the 2007 MTV Video Music Awards. By the time that happened, you were already in the middle of a shame spiral, and it was just a nail in the coffin for people writing you off as a giant has-been. And up to that point, while I was pretty adamant that you'd turn your life around and show these naysayers what you're capable of, I was also pretty tired of explaining to people over and over again that you were just going through tough times. So when you took the stage to "perform" Gimme More, and embarrassed yourself in front of millions who had been waiting for you to fall flat on your face, I was ready to give up as well. It was one thing for me to want you to be a semblance of your former self, so that I could say 'talk to the hand cause the face ain't listening' to every person who told me your days of glory are long gone. But it was completely another thing for you to actually take the initiative to turn your career and your life around.
Well, what a difference a year makes. Earlier this year, your started taking baby steps to a solid comeback. Slowly but surely, the "What crazy thing did Britney do today" started being replaced with things that were a little less drama-filled, a little more normal- here's Britney going to the gym, here's Britney hitting the studio, here's Britney playing with her kids. And in the midst of you looking a little bit less like a train-wreck and more like your old self, came word that you'd be guest-starring on How I Met Your Mother. And well, you did a pretty good job. That was followed by a second appearance on the show, which led to things like these really cute promos for this year's VMAs, as well as... the VMAs themselves.
Brit Brit, you did me SO proud. You didn't perform, like I secretly hoped you would, but that's ok! We got you and Jonah Hill, a surprisingly fun pairing, and we got you looking pretty, being normal and charming, AND winning all 3 awards you were nominated for. Is this the comeback of the century? No. But it's a small and steady step towards one. I hope your big night reminds you of why you do what you do, and why you are the biggest pop star in the world. I for one, am looking forward to the new and improved Britney Spears, and looking forward to people agreeing with me for once on how awesome you are, instead of, you know, the opposite. It's Britney, Bitch!
xoxo,
Your Fan Foreverrrrr.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
On Betas...
Dear Life in Boxes Readers,
You might have noticed that about a week ago, we changed our blog's layout. We decided to get away from the generic Blogspot template and try something new.
We're still in the process of working out some kinks, and who knows, we might even end up throwing this design out and starting fresh again.
Nonetheless, Life in Boxes is officially in beta mode.
We hope that you'll bear with us and our beta format for the time being, and maybe even give us some design input! (Email your thoughts and suggestions to us at lifeinboxes@gmail.com)
And as always, thanks for reading our blog!
Sincerely,
Life in Boxes editors
Friday, June 6, 2008
An Open Letter to Hillary Clinton
Dear Hillary,
So. What a year 2008 has been, huh? A black man and a woman, both vying for the Democratic nomination, why movies are made of stuff like this. And did you ever think in your life, during your years as dutiful First Lady and wife to Bill, that you'd be the one making history? But alas, after a long fight, in which you probably stayed in the race a little too long, you are finally expected to concede defeat and endorse Obama on Saturday. When you do, I hope that you will be at a peace of mind knowing that you fought a noble fight. Take the high road and don't be like me, bitter about the next 4 years, as it really can't be good for your health.
Life is going to be pretty rough for you in the coming weeks, as every single political commenter/blogger is going to analyze every single aspect of your campaign to figure out what you did wrong, where you lost momentum, and why you lost the Democratic nomination despite being the frontrunner early on. I hope you can take a mini-vacation or something (Puerto Rico perhaps???), before sitting down to think about your 'next steps.'
The truth is, the odds were always stacked against you, even when you were the frontrunner. The fact that you're a strong, smart woman with opinions and an agenda (and I use that word in the most positive way) makes you a bitch. You stand up for the things you believe in, and that makes you abrasive and un-feminine. Remember when you got all teary eyed the day before the New Hampshire primaries? That just made you too emotional and incapable of running the country, not to mention totally 'manipulative' for using waterworks to appeal to the sensitive voters. You know this better than me for sure, but we live in a world where it is just so darn hard for women to be in power, because double standards and labels keep us at bay time and time again.
You're also one half of a political powerhouse, best known as 'Billary.' As charming and intelligent as your husband is, he was always going to straddle that line between being your biggest cheerleader and the biggest political liability of your campaign. Because face it, you have as many passionate detractors as supporters, and so does your husband. Put you two together, and well, you're a pretty powerful but polarizing duo.
You've always been a politician, from your 8 years as a Junior Senator of New York, to your 8 years as the First Lady of the US, as well as your terms as First Lady of Arkansas. A pretty extensive resume, I would say, totally making you capable of making the big-time decisions that are going to affect the citizens of this country, as well as our standing with the rest of the world. That's a lot of experience that sadly falls short when compared to, oh, say, charm, talk, and pretty political packaging.
It just wasn't your time. It probably isn't ever going to be your time, honestly. This is how I felt when Michelle Kwan (one of the best figure skaters in the world ever) lost out on the gold medal at the Winter Olympics, twice, to two newer, less experienced skaters who got really lucky at the right time. In all fairness though, of course Tara Lipinski and Sarah Hughes were just as talented to win the gold medal. So as much as I don't particularly care for Obama, he has always been a formidable opponent. I will say, he really does believe that he can change the country, so good for him. And I say that without a hint of irony. I respect the passion he has lit in even the jaded of voters, and I wait for him to prove my suspicions about him wrong.
But I digress, this letter is about you. I can't even begin to tell you what it would've meant for women all over the country and the world to have a woman as President of the free world. And when I say things like that, I automatically get labeled as a hard-core feminist, which frankly is insulting to my intelligence. I don't support you because you're a woman or because you're a fellow Wellesley alum. I support you because of your platform, your ideas, your ambition, and your experience.
To me, you are the epitome of what it means to be a strong woman. No one wants to live their life in the glaring light of the media (unless your names are Paris, Lindsay, Heidi or Spencer), and you've handled yourself with grace despite being subject to countless and endless scrutiny and sexist remarks on everything from your looks, to your hair, to your laugh, to the way you talk. All I have to say on that matter is, if the same hateful racial remarks were made about your opponent, well, there would be hundreds of protests and debates about how un-progressive we've become since the civil rights movement. Everyone's so careful to tiptoe around the race card for sure, but the bitch card will always be whipped out and thrown down without a single thought. That makes me so sad.
I am going to conclude with this. You are the best candidate we have for President. I firmly stand by those words. I'm not excusing the mistakes that were made during your run for office, the sometimes-slimy and hardballing way you fought to prove your point or bring your opponent down. And let's not forget the embarrassing 'sniper-gate'. But I don't really think anyone can doubt that you were unfortunately caught in a media and political environment that was just too unwilling to forgive, too unwilling to let you be both a woman and a Presidential candidate, and too ready for you to make the next wrong move.
I can only hope that maybe one of the 'changes' Senator Obama talks of is to start the process of undoing the hundreds of years of misogyny women have endured. He's going to have to work to earn my respect, and for that to happen he (or even Senator McCain) will need to start instituting more policies that benefit women and families, as well as appointing more women in his administration as a public and much needed declaration of endorsing women in power. And perhaps by the time Chelsea decides to run (Chelsea Clinton, 2032!), the political and media landscape will be a much fairer place to her and to women everywhere. Now that is a change I wish to see.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Top Chef: WOW.
Dear Producers of Top Chef,
Congratulations! You've succeeded in crushing my soul yet again. I was so certain that Lisa would finally get sent away to pack her knives .. but then those words were directed to Antonia instead. WTF. I mean, at least come out and admit that Lisa is hanging by a hair due to the angry reaction by Top Chef viewers, 'cause any attention is good attention by tv standards, right??
There are a few things that I've noticed in Top Chef. First off, irony is a vital ingredient to the show. If a contestant is shown in a TH saying how happy they are to be there, they will most definitely get kicked out. Also, if the other chefs are seen criticizing Lisa's many mistakes in menu choice, she will most definitely be in the bottom two .. but MIRACULOUSLY BE SAVED.
I would have to say that after the total kick in the face (seeing Lisa now moving on as one of the Top 3 chefs!), hearing Lisa bitch at Richard and Stephanie for not congratulating her for making it to the Top 3 was a spit in the face. I swear, hearing those words come out of her ugly dirty pirate hooker face really made me realize that the producers are ruthless, and will do anything for ratings. 'Cause holy shit, I was cursing my poor tv out like a mofo.
And yet again, now I am forced to endure another painful week, 'cause I HAVE TO watch the episode when Lisa gets kicked off. I plan to throw an impromptu celebration, cursing the day she was born.
Besides, I really plan on finding out which restaurant she works at so I can personally go and punch her in the effing neck. Seriously, you may have made it to the Top 3, Lisa, but I believe my fists have a fateful meeting with your tree stump-like neck in the near future.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
An Open Letter to Miley Cyrus
Dear Miley,
Hi there. I just want to start off this letter by saying that you're like so cool. Well, to millions of prepubescent little girls and boys, you are the bomb. Do people even use that phrase anymore? The bomb? Anyways. Though I think you're cute and marginally talented, I never really understood your appeal, except that Hannah Montana is an enjoyable enough of a show, and I have rocked out to your uber catchy See You Again a many times in my room.
But I digress. I don't really have a like/dislike opinion of you. I mean, I think it's awesome that you're a millionaire. I thought it was pretty impressive that your concert film managed to become #1 at the Box Office in February, beating out other major, more heavily promoted blockbusters. It's pretty cool that your dad is Billy Ray 'Achy-Breaky Heart' Cyrus, and that both he and your mom seem to care about you, giving you a weekly allowance and grounding you when you deserve it. And, you gave a shoutout to Jesus when you won big at the Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Awards last month, which is cool cause He's my homeboy too.
But for all this talk about you wanting to be a good girl and a positive role model, there sure are a lot of suggestive photos of you, taken with your friends, floating around the internetz. I for one really don't care, because that's what 15 year olds do. But if you thought those photos would be the worst criticism you'd get, you were wrong. Who could have predicted the hot hot controversy your Annie Leibovitz-shot Vanity Fair photoshoot would cause, particularly in the one photo where you appear naked, covered by a sheet (but you were dressed underneath, you swear!!). That's all fine and dandy, because they were "artistic," and hell, it's Ms. Leibovitz we're talking about. If she asked you to roll around in a pig pen covered in pig feces, you'd do it, because it's her.
What's not cool? Agreeing to take the pics because you were 'so honored and thrilled to work with Annie' and then taking it back and blaming the raciness on her and the magazine once the media got wind of it. Nuh uh, girlfriend, oh no you didn't. You did not just diss the greatest living American photographer. If you had a problem with the shot, you/your parents/your teacher/your grandmother/whoever else was at the photo shoot could've stopped it. There's none of this ' a situation was created to deliberately manipulate a 15-year-old in order to sell magazines,' which is Disney's official claim on the whole situation. Right, because Disney doesn't know a thing about manipulating 15 year olds to sell anything. It's plain and simple; you and your people were fine with the concept of the photos before the backlash. Backtracking is a bitch, Miley, and I wouldn't go there if I were you.
In all fairness, you probably didn't realize how much the media was going to blow this up, and you felt the need to do some damage control as a result. But seriously, you should know better at this point, as you yourself keep reiterating, you are a role model to millions of kids. Your very livelihood depends on those millions of kids and parents who watch your show, listen to your records, and buy all your merchandise. I want you to be a normal 15 year old kid, and take silly pictures with your friends, and go through your teenage rebellion stage. But sadly, you're not a normal 15 year old kid. You traded that in for your fame and fans, remember? Unfortunately, you can't get the best of both worlds.
This whole situation is unfortunate for you, Annie, Vanity Fair, and your fans. But you can't keep making mistakes (I know, I know, you're not perfect) and then apologizing later for it. That act gets real old, real fast. You may be the world's biggest star today, but keep doing that and you're going to be 'that girl who used to play Hannah Montana' tomorrow. Next time, just really think about what you do and say, before you do and say, ok? Millions of people are listening to and watching your every move, whether you like it or not. I know it's not fair, but that's the price you pay for getting to be the star you are.
Oh and one more thing. Don't mess with Annie, k? Thanks.
