And A Little Bit Fatter Now

Thanksgiving weekend has come and gone and many of you are now dreading the inevitable weight gain. During Thanksgiving dinner alone, the average American consumes 4,500 calories and 230 grams of fat. Before you start running to the nearest toilet with your index finger half way down your throat, listen up, there is good news. Although it is commonly believed that the average weight gain during the holiday season is about seven pounds, according to the New England Journal of Medicine, the average adult gains one pound between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Turkeys and Cornish Hen watch out!

However, this minimal gain is rarely lost and accounts for the average weight gain in an adult during the year. Also, people who are overweight tend to gain more weight than the average and tend to keep the weight as well. What does this mean to you? You can rejoice in the fact that you’ll only gain about a pound this year, but 20 years from now you best be shopping for a muumuu and a girdle.

Sure there is plenty of reasonable advice towards avoiding/losing that pound during the years such as smart dieting and exercise but why not consider the insane?

Option 1: Hunger Strike

Do you have a cause worth fighting for? If you don’t, pick someone else’s or make one up. Then go on a hunger strike. A hunger strike can help you lose up to 4 pounds a day, mostly water weight, during the first few days of the hunger strike and about a pound a day from there on. Beat that Bally Total Fitness. Side effects include bad breath and death.

Option 2: Donate an Organ

Each kidney is about .25 percent of your body weight. It’s not a lot but selling it on the black market will give you the $10,000 needed for your liposuction with a little extra left over for holiday shopping. Dangers include being operated by some dude known as Funk in his kitchen.

Option 3: Take Up Smoking

I know some people consider smoking to be repulsive but consider the health benefits. Smoking reduces appetite which leads your body to burn its excess fat quicker without the need to exercise. Two packs a day keeps the fat away. Beware. Smoking can cause your organs to decline in value for donations.

If you already smoke, smoke some more.


I know these options aren't for everyone and some you would rather lose a limb then diet or exercise. If this is your case, then I'll leave you with these inspiring words from Peyton Manning.