Fresh For 08 Suckas

2007. Way to suck. The Earth could not orbit you out of here fast enough.

Let me start 2008 in response to a friend...

Love is not found in an aura around us, it exists in the acceleration of our heartbeats and the rush of thoughts to our heads. If it brings you joy, hallelujah and if it makes you hurt, hallelujah...amen.


Wow, what was that about eh? Anyways here are a few predictions for 08...

1. A White Woman or a Black Man President
Meh, probably not but I say we go ballsy and go with the super-duo minoriteam. I'm not one to underestimate how much white people in America would hate to have to learn to eat soul food and listen to The Fugees. I also know how many men would hate to have their balls busted at every mention of a female president. Well ladies and gents lets bring out the grits and the nutcrackers cause here we go. People think about it, Hillary gives us universal health care and once a month no country in the world would dare to call us fat. Obama would give us honest leadership and instant street cred. Win-win all around.




2. The Return Of Underwear
Last year was a rough year for everyone in the underwear business (and for everyone not wearing underwear for that matter). This year I predict a huge comeback when underwear makers and party girls unite when they realize the marketing potential of underwear ads. If you think billboards sell, imagine when photos of Lindsay Lohan's "Shop At Trader Joe's" unmentionables are shown all over the world. From Firecrotch to Moneypanties in no time at all. Uhh...maybe we'll come up with a different nickname.




3. Bear Grylls Will Take Off His Shirt

This is easily the easiest thing to predict. Bear Grylls is the charismatic host of Man vs. Wild and it doesn't take much for him to lose the shirt. "It's hot," shirt off. "It's wet," shirt off. "I need pee on my head," shirt off. The theme song should be changed to Clothes Off. Ladies please! I know what you're thinking. "I wish he never wears another shirt in his life." I'm just looking for a little equality. How about Jessica Alba gets her own show where she constantly takes off her shirt. Woman Vs. Pool. Perrrrfect.

Finally, things I'm looking forward to in 2008 include Cloverfield, The Dark Knight, a Yankee championship and the return of Futurama.

"You can't give up hope because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more, cover your years and go...blah-blah-blah-blah-blah..." Fry.