This Halloween, I'm dressing up as Global Warming!

Halloween is near. I'm too old to go trick-or-treat, of course, but something about this crisp, fall weather makes me feel so nostalgic. It makes me want to make a cup of hot chocolate, wear a pair of pajama pants, lounge around in my old Michigan hoodie, and sit in bed just to read ..

But wait a minute. I'm drinking iced coffee, wearing shorts, a tank top, and sitting in an air-conditioned room, working on a crossword puzzle. And it's October.

Here in the Northeast, we usually get a variety of seasonal weather: it's hot in the summer, it's nice and cool in the fall, snowy in the winter, and sunny with a refreshing breeze in the spring.

So what the hell gives?

Whoever still thinks that global warming is just a silly little gimmick the crazy liberals came up with, better be sweating their balls off. And they better be getting used to it, especially if they still insist on driving their stupid Hummers and other SUVs to the local market down the street.

Can you imagine going out to trick-or-treat in this kind of weather? I imagine a lot less fancy costumes and kids dressed up as "lifeguards" or "kids who really wanted to dress up as a mummy wrapped up in shrouds, wicked witches in their black capes and pointed hats, or an Easter bunny .. but decided to wear their summer clothes instead 'cause it's so freaking hot."

This Halloween I'm going to stay in a nice air-conditioned room and if kids are actually brave enough to venture out in this heat, I'll give them ice pops.